Warning: Mommy may explode under pressure

I am a planner. Occasionally I plan too much, like that fun filled day spent in 3 Disney parks. Sometimes I plan a week full of fun. I usually plan the family camping trips. I plan school parties. I like to plan and I love having a plan.

I try to roll with the punches and change the plan if need be.

I do not do well without a plan.

So, on Friday afternoon, after a long morning of running errands, I was traveling down Interstate 25 with the three tired, cranky boys and my brother (who will be 21 tomorrow, Happy Birthday Josh) when my 4 year old SUV staled out.

I handled it well at first, I cruised over to the right lane, put on my hazards, pulled off onto the shoulder and turned off the car.

So far so good, right? Great crisis management skills.

I tried to start it. No luck. I begin to cry.

I start to worry.
What if someone stops, they could be an axe murderer.
What if no one stops, we will be here forever.
What if the kids have to pee?
What if the police show up and find my stash, just kidding.

I called my brother in law, he is good with cars and lives very close to where we were stranded. He told me that I should calm down and he would be right there.

Then I called my hubby Ben, he is good at lots of things, he is a social guy, fun dad and a great salesman, but he is no auto mechanic. He is not far and will be there soon.

Josh popped the hood. The boys try to unbuckle and get out. I freak and tell them they have to stay seat belted in case anyone hits our car. You have all seen those videos, you know what I am talking about. And like I said, I'm not good under pressure.

Ben shows up first, he has a back seat full of product to deliver to his accounts, we call these food emergencies, he can not remove our precious babies from the side of the road and take them home. I get angry and he leaves, he says he will come back with an empty backseat but I am so emotional I don't care and do not really believe him. More tears.

Now it is just me and Josh and the three boys again. I used to change Josh's diapers, so even though he is almost 21, I really don't see how he can really help either fix the car or protect us from some crazed lunatic (no, not me) on the highway. More tears.

My brother in law drives up a few minutes later. Again we try to start the car, no luck.

I have to call for a tow. More tears.

I don't know the name of the shop where we would take Ben's car. More tears. I do not have a penis so this is generally not my job. I make the calls for roadside assistance and get a 30 minute estimate for the tow truck arrival. More tears.

We have now been on the side of the highway for about an hour. The kids are antsy, I am a wreck, and we all need to get home. More tears.

Ben came back, like he promised, "do you want me to take the kids with me while you wait for the tow truck?" he asks. More tears.

Now I really lose it. "No, I don't ever want to ride in a tow truck. I want you to wait for the tow truck and I need to go home with these kids!"

Luckily we have been married long enough that Ben also knows I am a planner and not good in crisis situations. I know you are thinking, "this isn't a crisis situaiton" but for me, really, it was.

He stayed with the car, I left with the brother in law. I did think to bring the garage door opener, so maybe I am getting better at handling this stuff.

When my wonderful husband came home, he brought 2 pizzas and some Fat Tire, my current favorite.

Later that night we found out it was the fuel pump, a minor repair, NOT!! Yes, more tears.

You should need license to procreate

I have mentioned before how the actions of some people just blow me away. Remember the mother who thought the YMCA childwatch / nursery was a great preschool?

Well I ran into her sister today at the supermarket. Well she must have been her sister, they are share the same LOCS gene, LACK OF COMMON SENSE!

She was pushing her cute and pudgy little guy through the store.

What's wrong with that you ask?

She used a cart like this..you know, without a childseat.


And her cute little, ok not so little, guy was about 11 months old.

YES!! Old enough to pull himself over and topple out of the cart while she was busy shopping for prophylactics or hair spray or beer.

Wait, you say, don't those carts specifically say on the handle NOT to allow children to sit or ride on it.

YES!! The handles have ENGLISH directions and easy to read PICTURES explaining the rules. Now I have on occasion let the boys hang on the front, or ride inside (SEATED), yes I live on the edge, but this was way out of my comfort level. So I stalked them through the store ready to catch the little guy if needed. I think she must be blogging about the wacko following her through the store with her catcher's mitt.

Have you seen a LOCS mom lately? What was she doing?

Speechless

How to silence a precocious 10 year old.

1. Take him to the campground pool in Moab.

2. Watch him play and have fun.

3. Notice the foreign beauty arrive at the pool.

4. The 10 year old notices the foreign beauty.

5. The 10 year old sees the foreign beauty remove her cover-up to sunbathe.

6. The 10 year old gets his first glimpse of a THONG. And by glimpse, I mean long staring drool-fest.


Dear Foreign Beauty,

We don't dress like that in AMERICA. Really, really, do you think that is appropriate swimwear for a family campground? You must be so insecure with your almost dangerously thin physique that you crave the attention such a swimsuit (and I use that term loosely) can get you. Your boyfriend seemed to enjoy your outfit. Just wait until you get pregnant, deliver a baby, breastfeed and do it all over again and again. Then will you be so ready to bare it all in your thong?

The few husbands at the pool were smart enough to avert their eyes. The women glared at you from under their sunglasses. And the preteen boys at the pool, well I am sure they are still dreaming of their first sight of butt cheeks during their best vacation ever in Moab.

Sincerely,
The curvy mom in the tankini

I went to the store for a half gallon of ice cream...

Really kids, ice cream used to come in half gallon containers.

Do you remember a few years ago when they (the big ice cream companies) changed from half gallon packaging to the 1.75 quart container? Tonight something at the store looked funny. Different size containers in the ice cream aisle. It probably would have taken a while to notice except I was at the store before the old size sold out and the new size took over.

Dear Uncle Jimmy,
Why, why, oh why did it have to happen? It is ice cream season and now the half gallon size, oh excuse me 1.5 quart size, only has 12 servings (really who can get 12 servings out of that?). I understand the economy, blah, blah, blah, but your nephews really like ice cream. Isn't there someone at the Big Ice Cream company where you work that can get us a half gallon size container? We may have to switch the gigantic store brand barrel soon, oh the horror.

Love,
Your Colorado Ice Cream Loving Family

Really? Too Busy?

Today is the First Grade Musical. A certain grandfather (who will remain nameless) is too busy to attend either performance. Here is my answer to that.

Click here

Oh, bummer. Someone flagged my craigslist posting for removal. For those of you that missed it:

Local Grandparents wanted
Looking for new grandparents who have time for three adorable and fun boys. No huge time committment needed, they don't expect much. The position is flexible, attendance at the occasional t-ball game or swim meet, a fishing trip, cheering at a school play. It is a volunteer position and no experience is neccesary. References required.

It's not just me

You may remember my run in with Colorado Springs Pediatric Dentistry a few months ago.

I received an email from a father this weekend who is having the same issues with the same dentist from that practice. A loose estimate, they tell you it can be higher depending on your insurance, over the top treatment plan that maxs out the dental insurance(including extractions of already wiggly teeth), and so far no relief in the child's discomfort.

I am not sure how these people get away with what they are doing. FYI, when you google Colorado Springs Pediatric Dentistry, my blog comes up before their office website. I bet that puts a bright white smile on their faces.

Monday morning

The weather, a balmy 31 degrees

Road conditions, dry

There hasn't been rain or snow since the brief storm we had on Thursday.

Why then, you ask, do we have a two hour delay? Someone (read...high school students) let air out of the front tires of 90% of the school district's fleet at the transportation office. How many buses could that be? 120 buses servicing five high schools, five middle schools, and eighteen elementary schools.

In addition to the two hour delay, there will not be morning bus service available. Remember that fun 4th grade school Carter attends? 16 miles away. Griffin's school 1 mile from our house. They both start at 10:25 today. This will be one crazy Monday.

Cute prank kids, I hope someone gets suspended.

Huh?

Hayden and I were early to the childwatch drop off at the Y this morning. I signed him in and waited for them to open..

Another mother came in and said, "Isn't this the greatest program?"

I reply, "Yes, all I have to do is go work out and someone will watch my child."

She said, "I looked around at other preschools and they want $200 a month for only a few days a week. I only have to pay $52 and the whole family gets to come."

I smile politely, kiss Hayden goodbye and went to work out thinking HUH?

Do you really think a babysitting service is equivilant to preschool? Yes, the kids get social interaction, some coloring, but childwatch isn't preschool. I love the workers, they love Hayden, they do a great job and he enjoys "Y school," but it isn't in their job description to teach these kids anything.

Now I know some YMCAs offer preschool, this isn't one of them. This is strictly a drop off babysitting service for 2 hours a day(max) while you are on the premises.

I am involved with the nursery at our church, childwatch is just like that, a safe place for your children to be while you have to be somewhere else within the building. I would never say, oh yes my son goes to preschool Sunday mornings while I am in church, and it's free.

In hindsight, I should have told her how wonderful our son's preschool is and the fantastic things he has learned. Yes, it may be $170 a month but he knows shapes, ABCs, early reading skills, sings songs, has field trips, etc. But I don't think she would have heard much past $170 a month. And I will continue to think HUH how can someone confuse the two.

Chatty Cathy

Dear Chatty Cathy,

Before you explain to the cashier at Safeway why you are writing your check for $5 over, perhaps you should glance around, more specifically directly behind you, and notice the small "believers" with big ears.

I am so sorry that flying pixie who collects little incisors was not able to remember to drop by your place last night, but my children are now wondering why you needed the money. So please forgive me for throwing you and your family under the bus. I plan to explain that your child's teeth are rotten and the tooth fairy doesn't want them and you are acting like the tooth fairy so your child doesn't get a complex. Also, the fluffy bunny with the eggs doesn't think your child needs anymore candy. The bunny and flying pixie are very close you know. As for the fat guy, well sorry but you "mother of the year" are on the naughty list and he won't be dropping by so skip the cookies...Did I mention the rotten teeth?

So perhaps next time you open you chatty mouth you can take a peak around and see who might be listening. Believe it or not, yours are not the only children who lose teeth, look for eggs or try to get on the nice list.

Sincerely,
Mother of three boys with BIG ears

Are you kidding me?

It was baby day at the pediatrican's office today. There were 6 infant carriers in the waiting room when we arrived for our 9 am appointment. While we were waiting, infant carrier #7 arrived. #7 was not happy to be in her carrier, her legs were kicking and she was very vocal about her lack of comfort. #7's mom finished checking in, sat down and took #7 out of her infant carrier.

Are you sitting down??


Then #7 proceed to walk around the waiting room. Umm hello, if your child can walk (or toddle) around the office, she is a toddler and probably too big for the infant carrier.

Maybe this is why she crys in it? #7 looked to be about 10 months or maybe a year old. Perhaps the pediatrican will enlighten this mother on rear facing child car seats. It took all my willpower not to say something.

Those Darn Keebler Elves

I got in a fight with a package of Keebler Fudge Sticks and lost. Can three little fudge sticks really be a serving?

Ungrateful Goose

Notice the goose shadow in front of him, the goose is on this right.

A beautiful day at the park was turned into a sequel of Hitchcock's The Birds," our day "The Geese." We packed up the new bike Hayden got for Christmas, stopped a the Wonder outlet for day old bread and headed to the park. He was laughing with delight feeding the ducks. He would throw them a whole piece of bread and watch them devour it. He would rip off small pieces and toss it into the crowd. The impatient, ungrateful goose (not much shorter than Hayden) snuck up next to him and BIT HIS THUMB in an attempt to get the bread from his hand.

After a diversion to the playground Uncle Alan, Aunt Susie and Xander joined us at the park. Uncle Alan stood guard while Hayden finished feeding the ducks.

I almost had the camera set to video, then I would have had the whole incident on tape. Besides being potentially tramatic for Hayden, it was pretty funny.

Colorado Springs Pediatric Dentistry's unreasonable charges

Wow, I am so glad I have a blog, now I can complain to everyone at once!

Let's just start by saying we know Griffin's teeth are B-A-D. Really BAD. When he had an infected tooth we were sent to Colorado Springs Pediatric Dentistry.

We were told he needed a new exam and xrays, then he had the teeth pulled. Our insurance covered most of it. We paid $84.25.


Then we were told to bring him back in for the spacer measurement and to get a cavity fixed. We paid $400.15 for our portion.

I brought him in today to have the spacers inserted. And was not allowed to leave, "no we won't bill you," until I paid another $398.20. And we may still owe more since now we have maxed out Griffin's dental coverage for the calendar year, it is only 42 days into the year.

We reviewed the bills, they charged us for 5 cavities and we expected this to be a one tooth extraction experience. They found several other problem areas and said they informed us of this, although neither of us recall being informed of the huge expensive this would cause. They charged significantly over what the insurance considers reasonable and expect us to pay the difference.

We are still trying to figure out why they charged $300 for sedation when our regular dentist charges $45. Why we have a bill for 5 cavities when went there for one infected tooth? We already have a dentist, why would we want this office to perform all this extra work? Why they charge so much more than the insurance considers reasonable?

We have paid almost $1000 to this office, we were referred there for one infected tooth. I believe they are taking advantage of us by overcharging and billing for work that wasn't neccessary.

From now on, our family will steer clear of Derek Kirkham DDS, and the rest of Colorado Springs Pediatric Dentistry.

UPDATE: Due to recent developments I have an update to this post. Please click here and note, I do not respond well to threats.