I got in a fight at Sunflower Market.
Maybe "fight" isn't the right word.
I had a stare down in the dairy aisle.
Me: Listen Tofu, what are you even doing in the dairy aisle, you big faker.
Tofu: Don't even look at me, I am too good for you.
Me: What are you anyway?
Tofu: I am a healthier alternative to meat. Like I said, too good for you. Go find the Hostess cupcakes.
Me: But, I want to be healthier.
Me: Really, but what do I do with you? Soft, firm, extra firm. You look so gross just sitting there in that Tofu juice.
Tofu: Stop squishing me and put me down.
Me: How could I pass you off on the men? They would know I tried to fake them out with Tofu the big faker.
Tofu: Stop staring at me like that and put me down.
Me: If I do buy you, I would need to make you tonight and hid the package way down deep in the garbage. How do make you? How could I pass you off as meat?
Tofu: I told you so.
Me: Told me what?
Tofu: I'm too good for you. Now move along.
And I did.
Tofu scares me.